Idk if I'm sick or what, but im always tired, ive had a headache since yesterday and im angry due to the other two things. works a pain in the ass because there isnt enough work for me to stay busy. So I find myself feeling like my 9h days last a week. I can't shake the feeling that people are going to wrong me. mainly the girlfriend, IDK why shes never given me reason to think she would be unfaithful but I am paranoid and its happened before to me so i guess i just expect the worst. my paranoia causes problems and fights. like how she will go out to the clubs with her friends, doesnt ask if i wanna go but if i bring it up she will say i can go and i tell her i dont want a pity invite so i stay home and brood. Yet when I ask her to come out with me and my friend who is coming down this weekend from out of town she starts with excuses. IDK.

All that said this weekend should be fun.

unlike today, Ive got to go to work and get chastised for not working hard enough with broken equipment and nothing to use it on

'And live for the moment but that takes too much pride.
You will stay what I'll never have.
Oh can you see me now?
Do you hear me now?
Do you see Me now?
Could you save me now?
Do you hear me now?
Could you see me now?
Could you save me now?
I'm choking... I'm choking.."

lovely song.

life lesson to anyone reading this: listen to more say anything :)

what the heeeeellll

I hate everything. All the time.
I don't know why I do but I just do.
Like work, its dead, theres nothing to do, the owner is constantly pestering me I need money, I need the job.
I hate the choices I have made, alot of them.

I hate people. Alot of them, friends, family etc.

I am in a constant state of paranoia and am perpetually annoyed at everything so it makes it hard for me to go a day without getting pissed at people i talk to.

I hate how I over use commas...

I hate you. probably not YOU but you as in the person imthinking about and i cant tell you that because it would make things kinda awkward.

I hate the rapper in the lexus.

I love you. Again probably not you, well maybe you as well but definitely not in that way.

I can't help but think people are hiding things from me, especially when the come off defensive when i ask them what they are doing simply because its what i do when im bored. but whenpeople say theyre doing one thing then i find out its something else and they get all defensive and say how im being overbearing because i ask what theyre doing all the time that makes me think that they do have something to hide. its funny how that works because now i want to know more but i said i would not ask any more questions because its a snarky ass hole thing to do and sometimes you need to be an asshole or a dick because if you dont, your a pussy.

My god i ramble and bitch but it helps because it saves me from going postal and making mistakes. mind you ive made many, uttering "I wish you would die" isnt always a good thing to do, thats why this is coming in handy, and the fact that noone reads it makes me chuckleanyways

HELLLLO BLOGGER

Well its been a year and then some since I have last updated and since then I have, I'm not really sure gone through a couple jobs, a couple girls, a couple friends and done a whole lot of wishing the people I want to be around were here.

In recent news, Halloween sucks. Its a sad excuse for chicks to get drunk and dress inappropriately and for guys to stare at tits...while drunk.

I've been upset a lot lately, i mean A LOT. not talking about crying to mommy upset more of the everything you do say or think about is going to piss me off so why dont you just stop existing kinda upset.

Girlfriend! got one of those. Been seeing each other for like 4 months and today was the day we made it "Facebook official". I don't see the need for labels and the whole asking "Will you be my girlfrieeeend" thing but i mean to each his(her) own it was starting to wear on her that we didnt have official labels yet.

Job! got one of those too. Washing cars and all the glamorous things that come with being the lowest on totem pole. Recent work included, crashing a vehicle into a bay door frame, cleaning up, lugging out and wearing about 100lbs of decomposing pumpkins and hay(another reason tohate halloween) and sucking up to the boss because weve been slow the last week days have been greulingly slow and i need my job.

Car, I got a new one of those as well. I bought a 03 mustang to replace my 95 mustang who was falling apart. Well see how this goes.

Sleep, i should really be getting to that, i think ill be coming onheremore now. Seeing as i am in need to blow off steam so that i can try to keep my relationship not in the gutter.

Gnight